I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
