Already got asked if we're dating
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
