Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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