My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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