Your mouth is God's brothel.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
