I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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