Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
