Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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