Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
