sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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