I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
