at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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