Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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