you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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