the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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