i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
