she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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