Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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