I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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