I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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