I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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