ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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