So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize