I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
