She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
