I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she peed on how many people?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
