what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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