I'm jealous of your bromance
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
