i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
