ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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