I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
