Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She needs sedatives and a leash
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
