He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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