standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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