I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
