True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
