guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
is wine microwaveable?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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