I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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