Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
