So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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