So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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