I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
