the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
