does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
