i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
