The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
