clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
