the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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