Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
