One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
