Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
wow bdsm is so cute
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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