I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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