3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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