No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
